For the past couple of weeks EMDR T and I discussed how hard the anniversary of Ts death was (yesterday was 1 year). I did okay all weekend during the day because I was busy with my family. There were lots of emotions but it was okay. The the evenings hit and I was home, I struggled quite a bit. I avoided contacting EMDR T though because it was the weekend at one point there were thoughts of self harm but even that I managed to avoid contacting her.

Today has been really rough and I have been trying to hold it together. Since Ts passing Mondays have been hard as that was when our appointments were. Since I see Emdr T on Tuesdays she sends an appointment reminder text on Monday. On occasion these texts can cause some emotions for me but I work through it. Today I got one like always that just said Hi Not, just a reminder of our appointment tomorrow at x time. EMDR T. I don't know why but it makes me really hurt and angry because she knows that I have been struggling. It would have been so helpful and nice if she just mentioned she knew it would be a hard weekend but hoped I was okay.

I usually respond with something like I will see you then or hope you had a great weekend I will see you tomorrow. Right now what I want to respond is FU (and I do not use profanity) I will not be there tomorrow.

Vent over!