Sorry to hear about all your struggles goatee.

Do you have any friends (or family) you can lean on? I hope you are not all alone.

Your T admitted being overwhelmed and busy in her life and also griefing. It is not something you did wrong. She doesn't have at the moment to give what you need and got earlier, and like you said, begging probably doesn't work.

But she is still working, showing reliably to appointments and probably cares a great deal too. You have suffered a long time with this issue with her already, her boundaries, emailing and such. Do you feel you can be reasonably satisfied with what she can give or is it time to consider moving on?