I'm sorry you don't have anyone to go to for support. That really sucks.

One thing I would like to say is take things one day at a time and just put one foot in front of the other. You can and will make it through this. You are strong enough to survive. Even if you are doing it out of spite, to show the people who haven't been there for you that you can do it, you are still doing it. One day at a time eventually will get you to that refund and you will be a little more comfortable. It just a matter of making the decisions that get you through the day and set you up for success.