Quote:
Originally Posted by childofchaos831
I'm sorry you don't have anyone to go to for support. That really sucks.
One thing I would like to say is take things one day at a time and just put one foot in front of the other. You can and will make it through this. You are strong enough to survive. Even if you are doing it out of spite, to show the people who haven't been there for you that you can do it, you are still doing it. One day at a time eventually will get you to that refund and you will be a little more comfortable. It just a matter of making the decisions that get you through the day and set you up for success.
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Yes, it sucks but like I said, I did it to myself based on my poor choices in the past. Oh well, the present is what matters.
I think a lot about how I haven't made much of an effort to make the decisions that get me through the day and set me up for success. I mean I thought I was doing that in years past, but clearly either really stink at setting myself up for success, or I must be sabotaging myself either consciously or unconsciously.
Could be related to losing my dad to cancer when I was 21 years old, and my mother not being very practical with regard to the way she made decisions for herself after she became a widow. So, my role models for how to set yourself up for success were non-existent at age 21 and beyond, or at least I didn't seek out new role models or if I did, the role models were terrible role models. Or, maybe that's me justifying my wrong choices to try to explain away the past. I don't know.
I definitely agree with you on the day by day concept. That's all I have the mental energy for right now; one day at a time. I will definitely try to succeed, even if it is out of spite to show my siblings and cousins that despite their disinterest in my well-being (either because I was a ***** to them, or who knows what they think of me or what I did to make them dislike me so much -- obv. I did something), that I deserve to be successful...at something...anything.
I'm 48 and tired of defending myself. I have to find a way to reframe my entire life in 3 weeks, so that I am not going to end up failing out of grad school, sleeping in my SUV, worrying about which shelter to drive to for breakfast, lunch, or dinner, in between going to workforce centers to apply for jobs, while I apply for transitional housing through the county. (Oh yes, I've been online reading up on how to survive being homeless where I live already, knowing I have family who can't stand me and won't help me who live in the same city.)
Thank you for your posts in my thread.