That's OK. You are 15 and you are in the middle of the years when teenagers try to make their values steadfast. Good that you have found some of yours! You want your life to be realistic.

One way to be realistic about depression is that you will find a lot of scientific results (search Internet or use library) that tells that there are several factors that contribute to recovery. One of them is hope, a goal to fight for. If you are into nihilism, you have to create some meaning for yourself. Is there something you will like to do as a grown up? If you haven't found out yet, may be you should invest some time thinking about that, so it will make you able to choose your education-road. Do you have any hobbies (swimming, hiking, gaming or whatever?) If you don't have one I suggest that you use some energy at finding one and try to find hope in reaching your goal (-s). If you already have one, try to create a new one added to the first.

To get out of depression you have to create something to work toward either that is at the work- or hobby area or something else (like being able to build a family of your own later, as an example).

You have to learn to set small steps in your recovery and be able to not see backsliding from time to time as something strange and unwanted. I happens to all.

So it goes for the other areas that affects recovery like what type of food you eat, your sleep routines, - physical activity, your social contacts.

If I were you I would have thought upon all these areas and thought about how to reach them all, step by step (integrate them).

Science has also showed that for some people medication can be the best, for some psychological therapy, while other benefit best on a combination of therapy and medication.

Science has also shown that in America religious life is a buffer against making the depression worse. However scientists do not agree about if this effect is related to religion or to the shared social life and goals (the everlasting life).

Perhaps such scientific results could inspire you to find something else to fight for than finding a religious community. What about becoming a member of the Red Cross or some other volunteer organization. If you are a nihilist, you have to create something meaningful for yourself.

I write this to you as a person with scientific education and a person who cannot see any contradiction between science and religious life. Science is about the natural things while religion relates to the supernatural.

To be human, however, is also about respecting others right to choose their own religion or to choose to have no religion at all (The Human Rights).

I respect your choice and wish all the best for your recovery!

A note at the end here: The forums are for support, not for religious debate. There is a special forum for those who need to talk about religious "things", but it is not allowed to debate for or against religion in the forum.

Be well!