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Sunrise said:
By being such a wimp, I model that behavior to my girls. I hate it.

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AH! if you are accepting responsibility for this, then you also have to accept responsibility for showing them how to stand up for themselves and their future families. You are modeling that you, even after making mistakes and suffering for years, are able to take back control of your life and pursue happiness. You are modeling that there are times in life when you have to take the tough road, endure a lot of pain and suffering, in order to free yourself. You are modeling to them that real mothers are human but are willing to sacrifice everything to protect and care for their children.

Most importantly you are showing them that happiness is worth pursuing.

My mother modeled dedication, tolerance, duty, sacrifice, commitment. Unfortunately her inaction sent the overriding message that ...women are subordinates to men, not deserving of happiness/respect, not worthy of seeking personal fulfillment, and should feel guilty when they want more.

You are teaching your children that living is more than just existing. This is going to be what matters most to them in the end.