I was deep into researching some dark topics that I felt I needed to look into for some volunteer work I took on. I let it consume me for a while and my husband suggested I take a step back more than once. I didn't listen and kept going because I felt so passionate about helping the people I was working with. It polluted my mind though. Much of my psychosis centered around this topic when I had my episode. I so desperately wish I had listened to my husband. He is wise and kind and had my best interests and those of my children at heart. I just couldn't see it though. I thought I was fine.

I talked to my therapist about it and she was super surprised I was able to dig in as long as I did without breaking down. She informed me that most people who work in the field I was investigating are forced to take regular breaks and have to attend mandated therapy sessions. I had no idea what I was doing to myself. People who work in the field are usually only staffed in it for 6 months before they are assigned to something else. I was hyper focused on it for 2 years. It definitely contributed to my severe break with reality.

I've stayed completely out of it for the last 7 months since my episode. I am able to focus on the good things in life again and my priorities are straight. I thought it might be hard to walk away, but it has been the easiest choice I've ever made. My family is too important. There is no other choice. I learned coping skills and there are infinite ways I can spend my time and give back without breaking my mind in the process.