I don't think you're evil or deserve to die. You've expressed remorse over your past actions and no longer do them anymore if i understand correctly.

Also, how you reacted over your relatives death doesn't make you evil either. It simply makes you wired differently, and it was something you had no control over the time. Besides, it sounded like you cared about him a lot by wanting to spend time with him every chance you could. But even if your reaction over their death was completely emotionless (which you don't exactly state) and/or you didn't care for them in an emotional way, my point still stands.

As for advice (assuming you want to change this lack of emotion) Well, have you tried therapy? I think it could ve of benefit to you.

And if you want to find people to relate to what you're experiencing, well if you're unable to find it here, keep trying on other forums and sites, you're bound to find someone that can relate to you in some or many levels.