Still stressing over the move and my classes. I ****ed up one of my assignments because i didn’t understand it and it was too late to ask for clarification. This is what I get for procrastinating. I’m trying not to procrastinate on my final projects but it’s hard. I hate doing work because I’m always so nervous that I’m going to mess it up.

I’m excited to move though. Ten days! RS has been staying over every night this week. I love him so much! It’s so great sleeping next to him after sleeping by myself for so many years. I compare him to my husband a lot (in my mind) and even though my husband is and always will be my first love, RS is just better to get along with. My husband was angry and paranoid at times and we would fight viciously, especially when I was sick. It started when I went to college and was living there, so about one year into our relationship. I hope RS doesn’t turn out to be the same. But he just doesn’t seem to have the anger that my husband always did. So I hope it will be better.

Speaking of paranoid, I’ve been a lot more anxious lately. On Sunday night I couldn’t sleep because I was worried that I was going to wake up and find someone (either RS or my son or my mom) dead. I guess that’s actually pretty normal given what I went through with my husband. And the fact that my cousin just died the same way, and my mother in law found her. I’m sure that might have triggered the feelings of doom. I’ve also been anxious that RS is annoyed with me. Not that he doesn’t love me or anything, just that he thinks I’m lazy.

I lowered my haldol to 5mg to stretch it out because my pdoc wrote the prescription wrong. She only wrote me 90 5mg pills instead of 180. But I think that is contributing to my anxiety. I’m going to call the office today and see if I can get her to rewrite the script. It takes awhile to get her to respond though because I can’t leave a message directly for her, I have to leave one on the prescription line. The administrative staff at the office can’t be bothered to do their jobs so it takes days usually to fix a prescription error. I have enough haldol to take ten mg for 45 days so I have time. Hopefully I can get it straightened out.