I am a 22-year old male with no friends, no social life, no girlfriend, no interests or hobbies, all I do is study for school and I've been chronically depressed for many years. I am convinced now that I will probably never be completely happy with life. I cry almost every other night and I have no therapist because she left. I am in an academic program, and everyone else in my program is happy, not depressed, has a significant other, while I am here struggling with stupid basic things and how to cheer myself up. I have no interest in almost anything, and I have to force myself to do things and I've given up doing that. Everyone around here is excited about watching x,y,z, and I am just sad I don't have that motivation or excitement. I miss being a child and not having to deal with these type of emotions---most agonizing form of suffering I have experienced in my life. I am crying as I type this---I just want to be happy. That's all. I hear from elderly people and people much older than me that living in my twenties will be the prime of my life and I just can't relate.

Depression has caused me to gain so much weight, sleep a lot, lose motivation, concentration. I wish I knew someone who suffered from depression so I could relate for once. People in my program are nice to me, but they ask about my personal life: "So what do you do? Any girlfriend?" And I am here left speechless, because I find it so hard to enjoy doing anything, being content with myself, and opening myself up to others. It's incredibly embarrassing.

My parents don't understand. No one close to me will ever understand, I think. I'm incredibly jealous of those who have happy lives---things they wanted to come true, on vacations, whatever. Even enjoy going to the gym---because I can't do that.

Sorry guys. I'm just really upset. I want to be normal. I want to live life. I am just struggling so much achieving this.