I think this ties in with my negative symptoms and positive symptoms are the reason that negative symptoms exist. It's just so hard to think about for me. I want to understand everything but there's the general feeling that I know the truth. What is the truth you ask? The paradox. Is schizophrenia when you don't know the truth but you're seeing messages.. or is it high intelligence analytically for a disruption of being likeable or having friends. Why do people that are in weed psychosis always like to talk to me? What do they see in me?

It's very strange Newtus. These things are very strange.. the whole act.. it's all an act.. But I'm on the good side. I'm not evil. I'm Jesus (Jk). But I could think that couldn't I? There's a fine line between the two sides of the paradox.

I just can't understand all of it. I look at the big picture... while drifting into "psychosis" (I don't understand that really. I should ask a psychiatrist).. and people that are highly analytical tend to pay attention to detail.

It's quite beautiful.. all of these connections.. but the world is doomed. We're screwing everything up by not understanding. Understanding is the opposite of apathy.. Yes I research lots.. Spirituality and awakenings are true... Some people use psychedelics to trigger it.. Some of them develop schizophrenia.. Weed same thing.. But only people with "the gene".

I swear what I'm obsessed about it to help me. A desperation. Why do scientists or particularly, psychologists and psychiatrists or any profession study certain things that they are interested in? Why are the interested in it? Family background, childhood upbringing.. It's all crazy stuff..

But yeah I could go on twitter but Idk what to name myself.. Something about psychosis and psychedelics or world peace,..

But something I've always loved is music. I love it so much. I'm hypersensitive to lyrics..