i was scanning around PC (avoiding work) and started browsing the domestic violence area..i'm not even sure how to get back there but the thing that raised my curiosity was the quiz...

now, it's call the domestic VIOLENCE quiz... and a year ago i wouldn't have ever clicked on it because i was never once struck in any way.. no physical abuse at all.

i scored 18

the quiz says that a score over 11 indicates abuse is potentially happening.

during the bad times i did everything an abused spouse does: explained it away, made excuses, minimized it, blamed myself... all of it. But when you face verbal violence, emotional abuse, mental abuse.... you face another hurdle too - the lack of acceptance and understanding. When i say i was abused the first thing people ask is whether he hit me... and when i say no they are hugely relieved. i am relieved that he didn't hit me.. but it all helps feed that "it wasn't so bad" idea

i thot about writing DocJohn and asking him to change the header on the survey... but i decided against it... couldn't really bring myself to do it.. i just know that any shred of validation was like gold to me back then. i'd gather information like a squirrel... and basically i was swayed by what i found. "abuse is this but not this" etc...

so many resources geared towards the physical, and so little support for the people like me out there

smart people... with education, life experience, friends and family... being abused, knowing it's not ok but not having a name for it. i see myself searching online and feeling ashamed.

if i can score 18 without ever being struck... surely others fit this too

in retrospect, the header domestic violence fits if that is what it is... but i would never have paired my situation and that phrasing.

and i worry that it sounds like there is a quota or threshold for abusive behaviour... if you score 10 its not abuse but 11 is...??

i duno.. maybe im being stupid... i just wish more people in my situation could get that validation sooner... that validation was what gave me the push i needed to help myself