I feel completely devoid of emotions all the time except anxiety and anger. I've felt like this ever since X traumatic event, which makes me think there's a connection. When deaths or huge events happen I barely react, and barely feel anything, and it makes me feel like a bad person. I also can't find any enjoyment out of things I normally really like, and I think a lot about hurting other people. I sometimes think , "maybe I'm antisocial" but I really think its just emotionally deadening.

I think maybe I made myself emotionless. Everyday I think I'm getting less and less connected. I surround myself with this brutal mentality about life, me vs. them, everything is life or death, everyone is truly a coward and bad person out to get me and out for themselves no matter how they try to dress it up and its all about survival, it's all worthless and I feel nothing and I'll act cruel because its what they'd do.

My advice would be similar to everyone elses - go to therapy, talk about it with people you think will understand. You can get answers that way and find out more about being born without feeling vs. losing feeling.