Jp, from what you have shared, you certainly got swept up into suddenly being with an individual who definitely is not the average guy. You mentioned that this is your first experience dating. This means you are still learning about dating and relationships. Somewhere in your thread you mentioned he is not your boyfriend, just a date, and that's important to keep that perspective. At this point, all you are doing is spending time with someone and getting to know that person. You do not OWE this person anything or any kind of commitment just because he asked you out either. By saying that to you, it doesn't mean I am assuming anything about you. Instead I am just trying to encourage you to remember that you have a right to determine if you are even interested in involving yourself with this individual who clearly is living a lifestyle that is out of the ordinary.

So far from what you have shared of this individual, the person who he wants to experience a relationship with is expected to live in HIS world and how HE needs things to be in order to feel or be "safe". He has shared "some" things with you about himself, it's very important you pay attention because the last thing you need to have happen is to lose YOUR identity and become something HE has taken over to become a part of HIS life. Also, it doesn't matter how much the people around him say, "it's nothing, it's not that bad really, just ignore this and focus on HIM". Again, that's about HIM, not you and what it means to YOU to have these watch dogs around constantly and pretty much "hyper vigiliant" over him.

You just learned an important piece of who he is that you need to really pay attention to. He shared that he has ptsd and has also engaged in self harming. I suffer from ptsd myself, so I know that it's an ongoing challenge and that it's something a person has to learn how to manage and it's definitely a lot of work and requires a lot of patience. I also know that having ptsd makes it hard to feel "safe" and often there is a strong urge to withdraw and isolate. You shared that you went to a dog rescue place with him and he was told he could not see the animals because it might upset the animals. You mentioned he got angry about being told that and said these people were being terrible. That is important to pay attention to because it got him upset and there IS a reason for that. So far what you described is how he is used to having people around him to watch over him and he doesn't really pay for anything but that's done for him too. It also sounds like HE makes the decisions as to where you two will go and what you two will do. Also, often an individual with ptsd gets uncomfortable in public places and they are actually very particular in what places they are willing to go, and they like to be able to make a quick exit if they are some place with too many people as they can experience a sensory overload. I know this well as I experience it myself and there are places I am not comfortable going myself and I like to be able to leave if I get overwhelmed.

He has talked briefly about something he experienced in his past, something he wishes he could have caught on sooner about so he did not have to experience the outcome that most likely traumatized him. When someone develops ptsd what they tend to lose the most is "trust in self". Interesting that he is drawn to "security" too, because he lost control of something and something bad happened and now he struggles with a psychological challenge that affects his sense of "security". It may very well be that you were someplace and he NEEDED to step outside for a cigerette and he got too uncomfortable and needed to leave that environment "immediately" and he has people that accomodate that. That can be a big part of "there really was no danger, just a potential so we needed to get away". What you are really seeing that is so odd to you is HIS world and how he trys to manage the ptsd symptoms that can cripple him and make him extremely uncomfortable. I know this oh so well myself and it's extremely hard to explain to other people who tend to answer with "just" comments that is the last thing someone suffering cares to hear.

What I am sharing with you Jp, is how you will have to live your life around HIS needs. That is what you are actually seeing taking place. And some how, there is money that can provide him with the "security" you are witnessing him having around him that is confusing you. Also, what I think about this is HE is seeing if you are the kind of person HE can have around HIM that he can feel "safe" with. He will need someone that can understand WHY he got upset when the people at that dog rescue did not let him see the animals. It most likely was not so much that they had a rule about visitors, but how they conveyed that rule to him that upset him. They were probably cold and rude and that got him triggered. People who REALLY know him and his challenge will "get that", but for someone who has so little knowledge about how HE struggles may think his reaction was a bit much.

The time you spent at his place watching TV? He was seeing how you behaved and if you show patterns in your behavior that might "trigger" him. Truth is Jp, for him to have a relationship with someone and FEEL safe is that person has to be VERY understanding and not exhibit behaviors that make him uncomfortable. Anyone he develops a relationship with HAS TO fit into HIS world and understand the kind of "control" he needs to have to feel "safe" so he can manage the ptsd condition he has that makes him so sensitive. Given that you donate time to the homeless, he may be seeing something in you that may have the capacity to fit into HIS world. That being said, what you have been seeing thus far IS a lifestyle. It's a huge decison if that is something you can actually live with because it will have restrictions and you won't have "normal" freedoms. If he starts caring about you, he will want you to be watched so he won't have to face some kind of unknown trauma of losing something else he cares about. That's a lot of responsiblity to deal with Jp. It's a VERY different kind of lifestyle. It's very important you pay attention to what that means before you end up getting in too deep and get all confused and even hurt because of what you don't understand about what this all means and why. Remember, you do have a right to know what you are getting involved with and what that means to YOU and if it's something you even want to be a part of. This doesn't necessarily mean he is a bad person or has some strange illegal dark life either. He MAY be a deeply "hurt" person who struggles with this ptsd that makes him extremely sensitive and he needs to have people around him that help him to feel safe who understand his true challenge.

The only way you will be able to truly evaluate him and all of this strange activity around him is to hear his real story and how it traumatized him so badly. For now he seems to only be giving you bits and pieces. It's not easy to entrust just anyone with the whole story as a lot of people tend to judge and cannot really hear what someone struggling really needs them to not only hear but understand and respect.

Also, a woman can be every bit abusive and dangerous as any man. It's very possible that he experienced a relationship with a very disturbed abusive woman that actually did put a knife to his throat. It can be extra hard for a man to talk about the abuse they suffered from a woman and how that resulted in him developing this painful condition of ptsd. For all you know, you could be therapy for him in that he needs to know that not all women are bad like the one that traumatized him and that he can experience a safe nice woman too. That in itself is a challenge in that you don't even know what he needs to experience and why. That's a lot for someone who doesn't have very much experience dating and experiencing relationships to handle.

What I have just layed out in my post is a "here is what you may possibly really be dealing with" here. It isn't "normal" and you deserve to know what it all means and even if it's something you can handle dealing with.