Hello Throwaway. Welcome to PC! Sorry you are struggling

You said
it's hard to tell if I'm overreacting, it's hard to stay sane. Hopefully in a few weeks I'll be meeting with a therapist, I had hoped that we would be discussing my complex PTSD but this new drama has become the main focus of my life.

You are NOT overreacting. You are under-reacting. The dynamic you have outlined is abusive and dangerous. You are accepting behaviors which are deeply inappropriate and unhealthy.

She tried to get you kicked out of your home and has also threatened to have your fiance committed.....these efforts I would encourage you to report to the non-emergency police line in advance because who knows what else she may do in the future. You are dealing with much more than controlling and possessiveness here. She is likely living with an entrenched personality disorder.

The problem isn't just his mother. He is also problematic. He has not developed his own autonomy and sense of self. Someone with healthy self-esteem and self-respect would not tolerate these behaviors from a mother or from anyone.

You mentioned that he was homeless when you met him? I recommend taking time to consider why you would partner and want to build a life with someone who has not been able to support himself in a job and home of his own. I don't think that's a good foundation for marriage. And that's before you even get into all the issues with his mother and him.

Your priority needs to be yourself and your wellness. Therapy sounds like a great idea. I hope you find someone caring and experienced to help you regain some balance. I live with depression and PTSD myself. Environment and the people we surround ourselves with are very important. These need to be stable and safe people.

From a place of care and regard for you, I encourage you to reconsider getting married at this point in your life. I also think you could seriously reconsider this relationship. A marriage or friendship should enhance our quality of life, not diminish it. I'm sure you love your fiance and he has some good traits, otherwise you wouldn't have wanted to be with him in the first place. But take it from someone older than you, love is not enough. For a healthy partnership, two independent adults with well developed self-esteem share their joy with each other while respecting each other's boundaries. That does not sound like what's happening in your relationship.

I worry that your depression will continue to be exacerbated by this unhealthy dynamic....with increased stress and trauma. Sounds like you've already had prior trauma in your life. I'm sorry that happened to you. It was not your fault. You did not deserve it. You deserve peace, unconditional love, and joy. I think you need to step back, live on your own a while or possibly with your mother if she is a safe and stable person, and think about what you want the rest of your life to look like. Take your focus away from your fiance and his mother and bring it back to you. This is your life. These are your choices. Is this what you want your life to be for potentially the next 60 years? Relationships don't start unstable and then grow peaceful over time. That only happens in films. Unstable relationships remain unstable or get worse over time. You said "it's hard to stay sane" in this relationship. That's because body, mind, and spirit are telling you to leave because you are not safe. You will start to feel sane again when you have therapy and unstable people are no longer in your life.

Take good care of yourself. Your present does not have to be your future