that's a powerful post.... i want to go check out the quiz too - that was our lives, too... part of the abuse was hidden, secretive, and in a sub-set of the psyche... i didn't have the abilities to comprehend it. but the rest, the fighting, bullying, the verbal abuse, the put downs... it's all right there in the foreground. i was like you - trying to get help for my family- but no one ever saw. even the one time i was hit in the face - my mom covered it with make up and i sang in the choir - no one ever knew, never saw. we continued to be the "perfect family", trusted community members...
thanks for the post.
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I just took that quiz (thinking in the past tense for my former family where i was the kid). the score was 26. I had no idea then. i was told i was so lucky, i was never abused, never starved, never.... but really, looking at the list it posted on the end...

he did all this to us...
"You are the victim of emotional abuse if your partner:

Repeatedly gives you destructive criticism, verbal threats and browbeating.
Always claims to be right.
Excludes you from making decisions and claims to be the head of the household.
Abuses your trust by lying, hiding important information and papers, cheating or being inappropriately jealous.
Minimizes or denies abusive behavior.
Constantly shows disrespect, puts you down or embarrasses you in front of others.
Harasses you by following you or checking up on you.
Prevents you from seeing your relatives or friends or insists on going everywhere with you.
Monitors your phone calls. -He monitored mine until I was 28.

You are a victim of physical abuse if your partner:
Intimidates you through angry or threatening gestures.
Destroys your belongings or household items.
Coerces you to have sex or perform sexual acts against your will. (to me as a kid)
(always in play) Kicks, stabs, pushes or chokes you.

We never felt fully safe with him and constantly watched him for signs that he was going to be violent. We had constant family fueds - constant physical fights even with me as a kid. I don't know how we ever managed the facade of "perfect family".

even after i got out of that, i walked right into a really abusive relationship with my bf. he hit me (never on the face) and did all sorts of things, told me the most horrific things. I am still single (12 years later) because of that. I don't want to EVER get into that again. If it could happen once, it could happen again.
kiya