Hi Mopey, Thank You for your answer.

Excuse me, but i dont think i have understood what you said about T. Maybe you meant to say that day to day struggles equals to life and since im still alive T is doing a good job with me?

As for hope, i have read the same stuff too but instead of not having hopes i have perceived/interpreted it as "do not look for happiness outside of yourself as in objects, money, success, people, etc. But in yourself because being happy is your choice"

Im aware this may be hard to hear in this forum, but of course i dont think thats that simple. Depression is also chemical imbalance, so as for "the choice", - that part - will is not enough. Not for everyone.

but i do believe theres truth in this way of thinking. For some people it comes easier and for others it may seem impossible, but the whole thing resonstes with me.

Thank you for your opinion on meeting with P and what to say and prepare myself the best way i can. It makes me feel more confident hearing you agree with what ive thought about it. Except for a few points, i hope it will all come naturally and of course im not planning how the whole meeting will go. Just a few things to feel more confident, more excited and less scared!

Yes, we are online friends, equals. I was just saying you are wise. But i do consider us online equal friends. And i think its a beautiful precious thing. At least for me it is....

And i appreciate yours and Mickey's posts with your opinions and suggestions and support. Actually i want to THANK YOU very much for not abandoning me. I know my posts are long and probably boring, but you read and answer anyway, so THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART.

Today i see my friend for lunch (they let me out only if accompained by someone), and then T again because she wont be available next week... so today should be a pleasant day in spite of my continuous urges. I hope T will help me with them... just for a little longer...