Thank you Fuzzy. Hugs to you.

Today was good. I slept well, stayed in bed until my friend came to have lunch together (an excuse to get out of here and see my T since nobody else could accompany me to see her) and then saw T.

I think its the first time T got what i mean when i say i see "flashes" because this time i had a motory reaction that she could clearly see.

We talked about P a lot, and i decided to give him a chance. Meaning i wont back off before i meet him outside of the working place and the meeting goes bad for both of us.

We also talked about my sui urges. I think she got that too but it was very triggering so as soon as it was possible i asked for meds to calm me down.

I dont know if i can resist the urges until i meet up with P (who knows when??), or until i see T again on the 26th, or until i get to see exT on july 11th. Its a lot to wait and im not sure i can resist. Urges keep bombarding my mind and i dont know how to stop them and maybe a part of me doesnt even want to stop them...

Tomorrow im going at my parents. Im not sure what attitude to have with them. I surely dont feel like talking. Id like to stay on my pc but i think it would be impolite and unfair to them if staying at their home means i stay alone with my pc. I'll try to balance the two things...