Quote:
Originally Posted by TishaBuv
I think you are absolutely spot on about this. I’d also add that there is an element of wanting to have them show they are really decent, loving human beings to be able to validate yourself for having chosen to love them. It’s this element of feeling like ‘how could I have been so stupid and blind to have loved this loveless person?’ You want them to prove to you that they were indeed lovable and also that you were indeed loved.
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YES! THAT AND.... I will add!
That I wanted my abuser to say that he truly loved me & didn't mean all the cruel and abusive things he said to me because then I would feel that none of that was even remotely true about myself!
But the truth is....... I wasn't unworthy of HIS love, HE was unworthy of MINE!!!!!!
And that's the thing..
We cannot believe all the lies that abusers tell us about ourselves and who we are inside!
They will denigrate, falsely accuse, and will TRY to make us FEEL unworthy of their love!!!! And you know what? It works!
But not if we don't let it!!!! We cannot absorb their cruel words towards us or let their false judgements and denigrating words ruin our feelings of self worth!!!!!!
And I realized that I wanted him to come back to me to say, oh I didn't mean the awful things I said about you .. you are NONE of those things. You truly are a good person.
NO. I have to tell myself this.