I played it over in my head for years. I played out every alternate scenario where I would end up with some semblance of ‘happily ever after’. Yes, I must be OCD, I now understand, and that is probably why. Maybe it was shock to the ego and there is some need, even if in fantasy, to get a happier closure. Eventually, I stopped thinking about him. He REALLY was not worth my while! I think I was driven by the thought that he was emotionally unavailable. You had it with your father, and I had that with mine, too.