Quote:
Originally Posted by TishaBuv
But I don’t feel ‘empty’. I feel what I feel and have had to argue to combat the invalidation. It’s like someone is gaslighting me that I do not feel what I feel no matter how I argue that I do, then I just lose the fight because I don’t matter to them at all— I don’t count. Now, I do matter to me. I know I am not going to make them respect me. I know it is their problem. So I’m ok with it.
For example when I complained (way too much) about being depressed and the reason for my despair, I was told ‘that’s just stupid!’ It’s steering and invalidation like that. My feelings are wrong and stupid because they say so. TBH though, I think they are right about me.  |
I knoooow, TishaBuv! People don't understand what it's like and that you can't just argue yourself into feeling better. It's like telling a person with a broken leg to stop being so ridiculous and to just get up and walk, and if they don't get up and walk, they're choosing not to and are just being weak and lazy.
Usually, though, when people invalidate your feelings in the way you describe, they don't actually mean any harm. Rather, they think they're being helpful by trying to encourage you and compliment you. They want to fix it. But yeah, I wish people would just listen sometimes, just let you talk about how you feel. It's difficult to tell people that you just want them to listen, because it feel confrontational on your part, and it makes you feel guilty, like you're telling them you just want to whine (which is how it's seen in our world). Ugh.