Prior to our rupture, I would say that I didn't idealize my T because I didn't see her as perfect. I knew she made mistakes, I knew there were things about her that in some way bothered me. Since things have been better with her (I'm not sure if we are repaired or not), I feel like there's more idealization going on. I think this because so many of my feelings I have towards her now, I can't tell if they are towards the real her, the image of her I made up in my head, an internalized version of her, or the adult (mommy) part of me.

Not sure if that helps.