carrying a firearm for work is a huge burden and responsibility. been there, done that. the pressure to always make the right decision can be and is a huge burden. doing so while having a mental illness is a double one. for me the key was knowing my position at work inside and out. the duties and responsibilities. ice cold. making sure I had all the training I was ever offered and then some...so deep inside I knew I was prepared for what ever incident I encountered.

as for the mental health aspect...get a good therapist..especially one that understands working with law enforcement officers. law enforcement is a whole different ball game. sometimes non-LE types just do not get it, and in times of crisis will not be able to offer you the type of assistance you really need. reacting to a instantaneous shoot/no shoot situation takes a special person and a special therapist to wade thru all the after thoughts. ptsd as a cop is a whole different ball game.

it's hard to deal with those feelings. I hear you. been there. talk to others who work with you. develop a trust. use the eap program. one of the goals of the job is to go home at night. in one piece. mentally and physically..it's hard..really hard sometimes..we see so much, do so much..stuff others should never see...and it is difficult because most you can not explain to your non-LE friends (either because it's part of a case or because no one will want to hear about how gruesome it really was...)

can't say it enough...get a good therapist. talk to your partner. on off days try to do something away from the job...give yourself a break. you can survive..it's hard. it's ok to ask for a break. too many cop's suicide because they don't ask for help...1 more is too many.

reach out buddy, reach out. I've got your back if you need.