I am a firm believer that we teach others how to treat us. I dont mean victims of abuse and neglect are responsible for this treatment, I mean once we take our power back its up to us to set boundaries and hold people accountable. This is easier said then done. For me I learn through pain and consequence. The most important lessons I have learned are the most painful but when I come out on the other side I am able to see that they propelled me into change-mostly positive. That is how I view sobriety and my relapse many years ago. I was a horrible two weeks but I am not the same person I used to be, I am stronger and better. I am not the kind of asshole who will tell people they need to suck it up and stand up for themselves. When you are in the midst of abuse you feel helpless and are a victim. Hopefully people are able to gain perspective(with help, self awareness and maybe therapy) in order to feel strong enough to set those boundaries. I had to learn that other people's behavior was not my responsibility and what other people think of me is none of my business.