I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, Brimaiski! I don't have much more to add to what all the other wise, wonderful posters have already wisely said better than I ever could! Definitely get away from that environment if you can! It's not healthy! You can't force your mother to change, but you CAN get away from an environment that's toxic for you! Do you see a therapist? Maybe that could help! You could learn new things and new ways to cope with your feelings! Please DO consider it if you're not already seeing one! I hope things will get better soon for you one way or another! Definitely keep us updated if yu can and want to! PLEASE NEVER GIVE HOPE! Wish you the best of luck in your healing and in your life! Sending many safe, warm hugs to you, Brimaiski!