Thanks for the help everyone I do need help with not totally losing it after sessions. I sent him some horrible emails and feel terrible about it. I go from angry to resigned to a very short lived I can do this to regret/remorse and then the cycle starts again. I do need to focus more on me than on what T thinks but don't know when that will successfully happen. Right now I'm dreading Tuesday's session. I have no idea how he will react to my continued attacks. And I have no idea if he will say something to trigger my anger which I am starting to totally fear. I've started thinking about how to avoid it. But now I really want to call T but I hate doing that. He told me that it was fine if it was during the day when he was working but if I called him after hours he would make sure that I knew it wasn't a good thing (or something to that effect). He is only working one day this week, Tuesday. So I guess I have to sit with all of this. This sucks. I've never been through anything so painful in my life.