This doesn’t strike me as healthy and authentic relationship.

You both play games with each either consciously or subconsciously engaging in a power play. He refuses to commit or even define a relationship which causes you to feel insecure and anxious. In return you keep telling him you still love another man and even consider him, which in return possibly causing your date to feel insecure and anxious and perhaps not consider this a serious relationship.

That’s very unhealthy relationship dynamic.

It seems that you went from unhealthy marriage to unhealthy relationship without any time in between to reflect and learn how healthy relationships look like.

Relationships that cause each other to be insecure and unsettled aren’t healthy.

I don’t know if you are seeing a therapist but good therapist could help you define how good relationship looks like (perhaps explore your family of origin dynamics). You continue dating a man who threw out his friend for referring to you as his girlfriend after 6 months of dating and after sleeping with you. It’s degrading and pretty much puts you to your place. No good. It’s degrading

I’d take a break from any kind of dating at this point and take care of other more urgent issues like building your self respect. You can do much better than this. You sound very intelligent so you can eventually have good relationship that doesn’t involve games or power play. You deserve better