i feel like poison....
another friendship i have destroyed to add to my list...
he said...'we are no longer friends' 'i will not be involved with you' 'do not involve yourself with me'
I cannot stop crying for he was a dear friend who i gave so much of my love and care to...
I would have done anything for this friend.....i always asked him how we was going...i spent time with him talking and laughing and having fun...i lent him money when he came back from overseas so he could get back on his feet...when i had none for myself..but did so without saying a word because i cared.....i was there for him and he new this...we did things to help each other out...we let each other vent...we had fun drinking at my place with my housemates and friends and then fell asleep in my bed happy...he made me laugh...i know i made him laugh...
i leant on him because i thought he cared about me...maybe i leant too hard...and took too much....but i would have done the same...if the time had come...i would have moved mountains for him...held him up if he had nothing left....
I try to stop the tears because i cannot change someone's mind...but they just keep flowing....for the last 8 hours....
i ask myself if it is because i am unwell or that i am poisonous??? I do not know anymore...
and then i think why would someone stop being my friend because im unwell...im struggling with depression...im getting better...but i need my friends...
things were looking up for me...i was back at work and i was trying so hard and i thought i was doing so well...my mind felt clear and i was enjoying being there....
I had my rough days....they were hard...and i confided in this friend...who did not want to here my struggles...it is all my fault because i thought i could talk to him as my friend....
perhaps i cannot read people anymore...and foolishly believe i am liked whnen in fact i am not...this has always been my fear...looking like a fool...and now it has come true...
last night i gave this friend a lil easter gift...and i new i should have picked something up that things were wrong then because i wasn't thanked, acknowledged or spoken to...not that i did it to be thanked...i did it because i was shopping and i was thinking of all the people i love and care about...and this guy came into my mind as someone special...
i just needed to vent this because i don't have anyone to talk to.....friends are dropping off like flies who i can confide in....my best friends are out and i don't want to disturb them while they are having fun...
i don't know what to do....
i don't know what to think...
i don't want to be me...
because i destroy everything,,,,

i wish that my friendship with W could ne saved