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nonightowl · Jun 15, 2019 at 01:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by zapatoes

It’s been 1 year since my dad passed away from heart failure or heart attack. He had been going through treatment for stage 4 cancer when he passed away. Read that it can be good for family members to meet and discuss favorite memories of person who passed away and expect some crying and laughing too.

I don't know what it is about cancer these days. I lost my mom to stage 4 lung cancer 2 1/2 years ago, and now my dad has cancer. I don't know what kind as he won't tell me. (It's important to know for own medical history, as doctors ask stuff like that---anyone in your family ever have _____?)

There's no discussing of memories with either him or my brother about mom. My brother isn't speaking to me. I've only shared some with members of a grief group. My dad got mad when I mentioned my mom, lashing out at me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by SilverTrees

Thank you for sharing your truth Zapatoes. I am sorry you lost your father

Universal speed to him.

I really like your idea of sharing favorite memories of your father with family members. That sounds cathartic. Grief can indeed unite people. Not always. But I have seen it occur in some families. May it happen for you! Take good care of yourself.

Unfortunately, grief and/or death has made my disconnected, dysfunctional family even more so. My only consolation is to keep telling myself what my therapist once said: That it's not as unusual as I think or as our culture leads you to believe.

And there were a couple of people in the grief group I went to last year who had similar dynamics. I keep reminding myself of that. I was in touch with one of them but she quit responding to me.

Yes, do take care of yourself. It might help to keep in mind there's no "right" way to feel or grieve, that there's no time table, and it's not a linear process.