We've got to a point now where I am feeling more comfortable with orgasm and can let go at least some of the time now.

I am still finding it difficult to sleep with another person in the bed though, at first I was lying awake the whole night and found it incredibly hard to sleep, now I can sleep but after 2-3 hours (which I guess is just enough to satisfy my immediate tiredness) find I wake easily to the smallest sound or movement from my partner and also find my whole body reacts to even the smallest touch with a heavy startle reaction, I can't seem to stop myself pulling away instinctively, it's like I'm electrified. It's very hard to cope with, I find what works best is trying to push through it by asking her to hold me very tightly. I think what is happening is the sleep is making me feel my defences are down, and then my body over reacts to that.