Quote:
Originally Posted by theoretical
Well, damn...
Anyway, my dilemma is this - My mom called me yesterday about 30 minutes before I had to leave for work to tell me that my cousins' father had recently passed away. Like 2 hours prior "recently." Even though I had only met their dad a few times (he divorced and moved to a different state), they were still pretty close to him, especially during the last few years when he was in poor health. And since my cousins and I had been really close growing up, Mom asked me to call and console them.
This isn't the only incident either. In just the past few months, I've been on the receiving end of someone seeking emotional support for various reasons: break-ups, family deaths, cheating spouses, existential crises, etc. Why does everyone always come to me? 
For those of you who haven't read my previous threads, I'm working on being more honest with others, but that's kind of difficult when people come looking for emotional support, and I have no idea how to handle their emotions. Don't get me wrong. I don't want to be a **** to people. It isn't like I'm mocking them behind their back while they're crying their eyes out on my shoulder or anything. I just don't really know what they want or how to give it to them.
Other than to fake emotions, which y'all don't seem to want, so... What do I do? |
Well I am probably wrong person to ask as i enjoy helping others and I do make a difference, but I am rarely if ever in need of emotional support myself. Crying on other’s shoulders or having my hand held not my style (with some extreme emergency exceptions of course). I am the one people go
for help to, not the other way around.
Saying that if I ever benefit from help it’s with particular practical solutions. For example my brother and I are dealing with our father acting bizarre at the moment. We help each other with specific suggestions how to handle him and we exchange notes. It’s very helpful for both of us as we are learning which strategies work better. We also find some useful resources for each other. Moping wouldn’t be helpful. Like for example when I was figuring how to get out of debt I like practical financial strategies. “Poor you” isn’t helpful for me. When my son in law unexpectedly died friends cook meals so we can just be with our daughter and don’t have to cook. That’s the kind of help that makes a difference. Cards or flowers or empty words not so much
Have you tried offering practical solutions or practical help (cook the meal for someone suffering or buy them something to ease their every day tasks)? Or people certainly don’t want that? They just want your shoulder to cry on?