I don't have much more to add to what all the other wise, wonderful posters have already wisely said better than I ever could, Mgsd89! Definitely try to reach out to a therapist to deal with these thoughts! If you feel like you can't handle it, perhaps you may want to look for another, safer job? I understand it's not easy. I DO believe that your safety must be the priority though! Let us know if you're able to find a solution and what you decide to do, ok? WE ALL DO CARE ABOUT YOU! THAT'S A PROMISE! Stay safe and take GREAT care of yourself! Wish you the best of luck in your career and in your life! Sending many safe, warm hugs to you, Mgsd89!