Razzleberry, I do love her. In all the years of her illness, I've never stopped loving her. But for the first time I can feel that love eroding away. Living without the touch of someone I love is excruciating and isolating.

And Lenny, I know that love alone can't fix mental illness, nor is love alone enough to sustain a relationship. And I find I'm always mentally weighing the impact to my kids in my mind.

Regarding her treatment, here's a new development. I tried to talk to her again yesterday, which is always like walking through a damn minefield. I mentioned to you a few posts ago that she's seeing a therapist for the first time in years. This is the therapist that was called to assess her at the hospital after her suicide attempt a while ago. Well, her therapist told her that she shouldn't work on her relationship until she works on healing herself first. Apparently I'm supposed to give her ten weeks and not pressure her, challenge her, or in any way give her any stress, so that she can focus on getting herself better. My wife has flatly told me that this is the way it's got to be right now.

In theory, I guess I understand that it's more important right now to safeguard her life than her relationship with me. And I suppose I can hold out for another ten weeks. But there has to be some display of progress, like Lenny said. But her ongoing affair, and how she paints me as an absolute a--hole with her online friends, hurts so much that everyday it's like pulling a boulder up a steeper hill.

Her therapy qualifies as a display of progress though. I guess sucking it up for a little while longer is what I'll be doing.