I feel like I have no dignity. I went to meditation today for the first time in 2 months. I have not been well, with med changes that have not worked and have made things worse. I'm now not taking any antidepressant.

Meditation was nice. At the end the 2 women who showed up today (there were 3 of us) talked and I felt excluded. I had talked about my depression in group today because they asked how I was. I wished I hadn't, I felt sort of ashamed. But it's not my fault. It's an illness. I don't want to be all hush hush.

Church was after, and I was feeling so ****** I did not want to go. But I walked into the room where services were going to be and I felt like I should stay because a distant friend was doing the service and I should support. My body did not want to be there. I walked out.

Someone followed me and said my name. It was one of the women from meditation. She asked if I was going to stay. I stood there and waffled like and IDIOT. Apparently I am an idiot. I feel like such an idiot. It was really awkward. I left.