Quote:
Originally Posted by Sisabel
I think the same pattern is happening with me and relationships. I made friends with somebody last year and while I have been very careful about boundaries and my privacy.... I see a pattern developing. I find myself being the listener and the helper and it’s minimally reciprocated. It’s not extreme like it has been with me and past friendships but I do see the pattern. I wonder why that is? What am I supposed to do... not ever offer a listening ear or support to anybody?
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Maybe you ARE a good listener and are empathetic, so those who need and want an ear are prone to being attracted to you?
I have learned to set limits on the support I can provide, OR I change the subject making it clear that I don't want to engage in that topic, OR I simply exit politely and say I need to take care of something else.
People will talk your ear off as long as you allow them to....
so, when it happens, it's good practice to set limits and either state indirectly or directly that you don't wish to talk about it at length.
I have a very close girlfriend who used to do that to me, whenever I started to go down the path of talking endlessly about this toxic boyfriend or that toxic boyfriend, and whatever relationship turmoil I was in at the time. She knew how to handle it very well! She would give me validation and her compassion, she would give me five or so minutes of her time and attention, then she would cut the conversation short and would tell me she needed to go..... so, she set limits with me, and I didn't even realize it until years later that that's what she was doing, lol.