It's okay Ptak. You aren't an idiot though I understand your discomfort after sharing some information. Awkwardness is part of the human condition. Embarrassment too at times. Doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. I think it was wise and healthy for you to post about it. I recently read a psych article about embarrassment. It was suggested that acknowledging the details directly can really help to take the edge off it....as opposed to burying it. So perhaps, opening up on PC will help? Is there someone in your offline world you could share the story with?

I'm very sorry you've been having med difficulties etc. That can be very painful or even frightening. I hope you find the comfort and peace you seek very soon.

I also understand your desire to share about the depression and not keep it hush hush. I just think you are in a very vulnerable place currently, so maybe this just isn't the right timing for you to open up about it? Idk. That's entirely up to you.

I don't judge you at all for the story you shared. I think you are doing your level best in life and that's impressive. Particularly given that you went out and interacted even though you're very depressed. Not easy to do at all. Give yourself credit