The maternal unit always played the victim role. She was never angry at the paternal unit who had multiple affairs and left her.... all her anger was directed at me. And I was always “the bad person”

I remember her telling me “I’m withdrawing from you”

I did not realise at this point this ... further ... withdrawal would be for many years..

A fitting punishment for being a bear cub?

I’m sorry about the situation with your mother. I don’t know how to set boundaries with someone of that age especially if there could be some dementia.