I could do with a bit of advice and I apologise for rambling. To preface, in the last 4 years I’ve barely dated anyone and the couple of times it has happened it hasn’t lasted for more than a month. In addition to this, I’ve had long periods of low mood/low self-esteem, which, to some extent, has affected the way I view/feel about things in life and I’m concerned this may have spread to my dating life. Recently (about 6 weeks ago) I started dating someone I met through one of my social groups. We were friends for several months beforehand and talked a lot before starting to go out (just the two of us). We’ve hung out several times and have been getting on well. Recently, however, doubt has been creeping in about whether I actually like them, because of how I feel.

When I’ve dated before it has previously been because I’ve enjoyed hanging out with people and built up an emotional connection to them before going out with them. This time (as well as the last couple of times I’ve dated) I’ve enjoyed hanging out with the person, talking to them, being close to them (physically and emotionally), until I’ve convinced myself that things aren’t working out and push them away/break things off. This typically happens after a few weeks. I’m concerned because this keeps happening and I’m worried it will continue to happen unless I confront/deal with it. If I allow this to happen, I could throw away so many chances at happiness.

I'm questioning whether I have “proper” feelings for this person, because I don’t have the kind of “delirious” feelings of happiness I’ve previously had when dating (5+ years ago), e.g. being super excited to be around them, receive a text from them etc. I haven’t had those kinds of feelings for a very long time (i.e. years) and I wonder whether my emotional (romantic) reactions to people have been dulled/deadened after the aforementioned periods of low self-esteem. I also wonder if I’ve now mentally exaggerated those old “delirious” feelings in my head to now be some kind of unattainable level of emotions? *Should* I be feeling these things? Should I be waiting for these feeling of “extreme happiness”? I understand there isn’t a “standard” way to feel about someone or something, but I’m just worried that what I’m feeling is wrong and that I’ll continue to feel this way about everyone, even if I really like them. Do I feel like this because…

- A) I actually don’t like this person in a romantic sense?
- B) Although I do like them, the way I feel about people has now changed as a result of my previously mentioned low-mood issues?
- C) I’m scared/anxious of trying to get close to another person after so long?
- D) Some other issue?
- E) A combination of the above?

This raises further questions, including:

- Is the way I feel about this person acceptable if I want to date them?
- If I do like the person should I feel like this?
- Should I have “more” feelings if I genuinely like them?
- What can I do about this?
- How can I investigate what my feelings mean?

I realise this is a lot of information and part of this is just me venting, as I’m very confused by everything. However, I would really appreciate any thoughts/opinions any of you may have. Thanking you in advance.