Hi there. It seems to me that you would benefit from some therapy about your self esteem and mood issues, if you are not already in therapy. Are you being treated for depression and are you on medication?

Secondly, to answer your question as best as I can, low mood & low self esteem will most certainly color or dim any feelings of excitement that you may feel. If it's been a number of years, and if during that time you've had these symptoms, it may be reasonable to assume that your symptoms are interfering.

Also to answer your question, yes typically when we are in the beginning of a relationship that interests us, we do feel excitement about the person and excitement around that person, ie, them texting us, the next date, the next time we talk to them, etc.

So it can be hard to discern your level of interest if your low mood and low self esteem are interfering.

If you're not seeking treatment, then I would highly recommend treatment for your symptoms. I hope this helps.