So sorry you're struggling Catrionn. I live with depression and anxiety myself. You have my empathy. Very smart btw to not take your ativan while driving....even though you were very anxious, you exercised good judgment....give yourself some credit!

Personally, I have never met a crazy person. And I've never met a normal person. I've met traumatized people, people struggling with atypical ideas and beliefs, deeply sad people, frightened people....and many more. But I just never thought of them as crazy. And I do hear a lot of talk about normal people but I have never met one. if they are out there in the world, I wonder why I don't run into them. Maybe they see me coming and head for the hills???

At my last three workplaces, I could silently walk around and see the various mental health challenges of my colleagues (whether diagnosed or not)....things they may or may not be aware of...but I could see it...sometimes felt it.

One thing I've noticed is that the people who sort of shut you down most during a mental health discussion....maybe they are rude or dismissive...trying to convince you that you're "fine" .....well those are typically the people who are really struggling with their own mental health issue but they have buried it, denied it, told themselves everything is "fine." So they don't want to be reminded that sometimes things are far from fine. You see what I mean? When someone is dismissing your pain, they are likely dismissing their own pain. Truly, I've seen it over and over again. And we can't blame them, right? It's awful tough to be a human. Life is often so confusing and erratic and...well....it just really hurts a lot of the time. They are hurt too. Trust me. They don't want to deal with that hurt so they push it away. And they want you to do the same.

What's the answer? Talk to professionals (the good and kind sort) and people who are comfortable in their own skin. I am diagnosed with PTSD and major depressive disorder. I'm not ashamed but I am VERY selective about who I share that info with in the offline world. I don't consider myself "abnormal." My body, mind, and spirit have just responded naturally to abuse and trauma. That's okay. If folks want to deem me "abnormal" that's okay too. Because I know who I am. I know my truth. And once in a while, I meet another human who is not ashamed either...not on a quest for perceived normalcy....and so we have a nice chat or even a few laughs.

I recommend that you don't continue turning to people who are in denial and want you to be in denial too. Of course that is frustrating (or maybe even infuriating) and alienating for you. I've been there too. There's no peace in it. Mix it up now. Talk to different people. If there's nobody, come back here and tell PC folks. Or pick up your phone and call a crisis line. Those folks have heard it all. They don't shock easily and they won't shut you down. They are open to hearing your suffering. I realize that open acceptance from a close friend or family member would be ideal but when you don't have that there are other options. And who knows what the future will bring you? New friends? New opportunities?

Breathe. Breathe again. Slowly and deeply. It's okay to feel anxious. You aren't crazy. Body is sending you a message for help to return to center. That's a good thing. Meditation really helps me. I'm happy to send you links if you're interested. I wish you peace, hope, and a bright future You deserve it!

Ps. if you ever meet a normal person please introduce them to me because I have SO many questions for them