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Originally Posted by URBeautiful
This was extremely helpful. THANK YOU!  I really appreciate you taking the time to write out such a thoughtful response. I love the idea of asking them questions. The questions you wrote are going to be very helpful. I wouldn't have even thought of some of those. One of the issues I have found while looking at therapists online is that not a lot of people have intervention styles that sound appealing. I may have more luck by talking to them individually. It is just really difficult for me to actually do. I also worry I won't have many options in areas like ADD and childhood trauma. I was planning on going to this one center and my friend said there was only one therapist there that worked with ADD.
On a side note: I can relate to being estranged to parents. I haven't talked to my mom in 4 or 5 years. I am kinda concerned she is gonna die and no-one will tell me. It's weird having a parent you don't talk to. I am not sure if you have had the same experience but I have always noticed it just feels odd during holidays like mother's day. I feel almost jealous in a way of the people who are posting things about amazing parents online. The thing I have noticed about not having two parents around is that makes you strong and it seems as though you are a very strong person. Being able to walk away from a therapist and stand up for yourself is an amazing triumph. Keep being your best advocate! If you ever WANT to talk about anything I am here. |
Thank you so much for the kind response. Another option when screening therapists is a phone consult. Of course you'll lose the non-verbal cues but if you want to fire a few Qs at them without wasting a trip or a hour on a full session...many offer a 10 or 15 minute phone consult. If therapist options seem limited in your area, there are folks all over the world who offer therapy via phone or Skype. Just an idea for you.
Have you heard of Dr. Gabor Mate? He has done some interesting work and research on ADD. He and his children are diagnosed with it. He has a VERY different way of thinking about it (believes it's caused by childhood trauma...leading to changes in brain development) but he strikes me as kind, very intelligent, and well-researched. You may enjoy watching some of his videos online or reading his materials. I find his general view of mental health very comforting.
Yes, estrangement is confusing and painful. But there are times, imo, when it is necessary. I was with my father when he died. I don't know if that was the right thing for me or not. I wonder if you are concerned about not knowing when your mother dies, would you want to be able to at least email her once in a while? Or is there someone in your family who could update you from time to time? I'm *not suggesting that you should do that....just wondering what would be right for you and your wellness. I fully support adult children in making their own decisions about family and parental attachment. Society remains deeply judgmental about that....I've been judged up and down for it...but if you happen to be unfortunate enough to be a little baby born into an abusive and dysfunctional family, I don't think you should have to suffer for that your whole life. When we are children, we have no choice. As adults, we do have a choice. But it can often still feel like being between a rock and a hard place.
I know exactly what you mean about the holidays. Christmas has often been a really tough one for me. But I've lived far away from my family for many years.
I've developed my own strategies for dealing with that. Seems to be getting better over time.
I'll continue to wish you peace, hope, and good health
