I'm not sure that grieving doesn't send people round in circles if they are not also taking steps externally in their lives. If you have your life sorted then you can worry about grief, but there are real steps that need to be taken to make a good life if it hasn't been handed to you. Not just emotional floundering, but learning how to get out in the world. Being in the world, hating it, crying, being in the world, having experiences... all the experiences that I had while living in social housing for instance were horrible BUT I also built up a reservoir of understanding how to live outside my own comfort zone. Now that stands me in good stead because I find myself forming bonds with other "outsiders" who have been forced to stretch themselves.

We build stuff that isn't like "therapy" and isn't like in the magazines - and those experiences we get build our real understanding of other people's lives.

I will NEVER be in the slightest bit like a middle class therapist. I am meeting people, however, who value me very much as I am. My depth of experience is different to people who lived within their comfort zones all their lives. Yeah.

Perhaps you can do some filtering about how much of these failure feelings are realistic and require action - and how much is what I would call "brain fluff" - just my depressed brain circling down the plughole?

Is there a YMCA type program where you can meet others who don't have life handed down on a silver platter, and realise that you are not alone in your situation?