Quote:
Originally Posted by Codep
I am afraid that I will never fully experience what true intimacy is.
I am 34 years old and have had relationships in my past. Even an 8 year relationship which gave me 2 children but I still don’t feel as though I know what real intimacy is. I have always sabotaged any chance of intimacy and in all honesty, I find it extremely uncomfortable when a relationship becomes close to growing an intimate bond. This bring the case, I still yearn to know someone this deeply and to be known this way by another.
I want to be seen and heard on this deep level but it’s as if I am hopelessly adverse to it 😕
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ok heres the thing in this post you say you have 2 children... if you google the word intimacy you will find that its defined as having sex. being close to each other ie holding hands, snuggling on the sofa while watching tv, being friends with someone special, ....
my point is you cared about this person so much that you created two children, (unless of course these two children are the result of a one night stand where you met up had sex and went your own ways)
let me give you some examples of intimacy in my wifes and my relationship....
my wife and I go out to dinner. its not macdonalds its a sit down order from a waitress/ waiter and we talk together about anything other than the children and work. its adult time just her and I enjoying a good meal and good conversation. I may happen to notice how the candles look on her face and give her a compliment. She may notice I have a new dress on and tell me what she thinks of how it looks on me. we sometimes hold hands across the table while enjoying the entertainment going on over there.
another example of intimacy.. my wife and I enjoying a good book together with out the children climbing into bed with us.
another example of course is taking our time enjoying our sex life.
intimacy just means showing someone you care about them, spending time with them, it isnt this big mysterious, got to find some deep feelings.
bottom line is you feel what ever you feel in a relationship, its not something you learn or have to dig to find. feelings just are just like you found what ever feelings you had for her during those moments that you had sex and ended up creating two children. you probably didnt plan that first moment it just happened.thats how feelings work even in intimate moments when two people are alone together spending time together and showing each other that they want to spend time together, want the best for each other...
my point is if your body and mind didnt have intimate feelings for this person you wouldnt have created two children and wouldnt still be with this person.
Im wondering if maybe you are trying too hard. sometimes when people try too hard to make their self feel something it sabotages and you end up feeling nothing instead.
my suggestion is think of an activity that you and this person have in common that you both enjoy, then go do it and let the feelings happen as they naturally will.