Hello, danieluc! Yes, I definitely agree with what Raindropvampire has already wisely said better than I ever could! A therapist is DEFINITELY the right solution for you if you're struggling so much! Look up one and keep looking! There IS help out there! Hopefully you'll find one you feel comfortable with! Please NEVER give up HOPE because there ARE people who can help YOU! Let us know how your search goes! Sending many safe, warm hugs to you and the people you love and who love you, danieluc!