Seems to me like what Sarah has said she wants is a nice place to live, a husband perhaps and children. A better place on the scale of social inequity. And that those seem impossible for her, and being with a therapist who has, or seems to have them, highlight that situation and the impossibility of things getting any better. I suspect that Sarah has tried everything she knows to do, and she continues to look for ideas, including asking for suggestions here.

I know for myself, the way I developed, I tended to look outside myself for what I "wanted", rather than being conscious of what I wanted from inside. Some people find help for that kind of thing through therapy. I didn't. I was too well "defended", I guess.

What I wanted, it seems clear now, was love and acceptance and belonging. I had lived with, or in, a fantasy that those existed in my family of origin and then, "transferred"? in relationships in therapy and the idea/idealization of therapy in general. What burst the fantasy was my last therapist's rejection of me.

I feel like I could not have survived that psychologically without the acceptance of this forum, and that of a 3D, IRL support group that I lucked into.

But in a kind of general way I had been looking for that kind of support for years even though I didn't know what I "wanted". The pain of not having it was probably too intense for me to fully know, until I was forced, again by circumstance, by my therapist's rejection.

So, yes, push forward toward something better, even if you don't know exactly what it may be or how you might get there -- sounds like you're doing that, Sarah. And building psychological strength in the process, seems to me.