Went for a hike this morning, although I didn't make the summit. I guess it was good to get in the woods for a bit and get some mountain exercise, but I'm not as attracted to hiking as I used to be and that bothers me. That used to be my identity but thanks to these ******* meds I'm fat and out of shape and can't do anything fun anymore. I probably could have made the summit if I felt like it, but I didn't. I don't have any goals anymore because as of today i'm abandoning all my hiking goals and I abandoned any other goal I had. I just feel so flat and like I've been saying all I'm doing all day is sitting on my bed listening to music. I used to force myself to go on walks but I don't get anything out of that other than I might die from a bear attack or getting hit by a car or something. I thought forcing myself to go on this hike would help but it didn't. I actually feel worse because I'm sad I didn't finish the hike.

I'm trying to do something. Anything. But I'm finding out again and again I can't.