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Originally Posted by TunedOut
"she claims to want to sleep in the same bed" Maybe she was just flirting but given what has happened, I wouldn't take it literally. When someone disappears for 2 weeks, they either have issues with the self image/confidence/doubts or they are trying to "hook you" (think of the image of a woman fishing for a husband--my mother always told me to play hard to get and to expect the man to pay for everything.  ) I assume the emotional connection is real and that your gut is telling you that you can trust her?
The ability and desire to have good sex is one of the things I like about being married (I know you are no where near marriage.   ) so it is something you eventually have to explore; however, I have seen good men choose the wrong partner because of sexual attraction. You are old enough to know this but just wanted to remind you. Don't sell yourself short but also don't be afraid to do what feels right. I am curious about whether or not feelings online transfer IRL. I hope it all works out for you. 
Also, is she as open about her feelings as you are? If you are more open than her, be careful. Do you think the give and take going on between both of you is free flowing and mutual? Does she talk about herself and her dreams in a vulnerable way? These might be signs that her attraction is sincere. Plus, I think you will feel comfortable with her (deep down inside) if she really likes you. If you start feeling uncomfortable or hurt--really evaluate that, don't ignore it.  |
Maybe she is just flirting, maybe she just likes to watch me blush. Well, no maybes about the latter. A lot of it is cultural, or something. She seemed genuinely surprised that I was interested in her independent of all the playful talk, pictures and videos. She very much fits into the beautiful Russian mold but doesn't seem to realize that so maybe there are some esteem issues on her part.
The only thing that gives me pause is that she really seems genuinely attracted to me. She claims it is my voice that hooked her. She heard my voice before she saw what I looked like but says she really loves the videos and pictures I send her. I used to be married in the 90's and neither her or any of my girlfriends were ever attracted to me, so it is really strange. It is difficult to believe that is true, she might just be saying that because she wants me to like myself better.
I do trust her completely now. The first few months, I watched very closely for any signs of deception or contradiction and never found any. The good thing about that is that I remember every little detail she said and she thinks I must really like her to remember small things. I do like her, so much it scares me but now that I trust her I do not scan her words and actions so closely and forget things.
It was during this time that she disappeared for 2 weeks. She told me it was very hard for her but she wanted to figure out what she felt for me. Up until early May, she would randomly decide not to come but would change her mind quickly. She seems to have no more hesitation.
At this point, if she is just using me it would only be a green card and she never pushes about marriage although we have discussed it as a possibility for the future. I tend to get way ahead of myself and serious quickly and she told me she does not want to talk about it when she is here. It is a get to know each other more intimately as see if it is as real as it seems visit.
I am attracted to her and I would love to share my life with her but I have had such bad luck with women that it is terrifying and add that to my natural awkwardness and it is a rough time. I am so worried that she might see me in person and reject me on the spot. It sometimes is all-consuming but I do realize that if I pull back I will lose her.
When I saw her on the pen pal site, there was just something that grabbed me and told me I had to write her. She says that we must be soul mates but the universe doesn't like either of us so put us on the opposite side of the world and had us be born somewhat far apart.
If she were looking just for a green card, I am hardly a good candidate since our age difference may make it more difficult, but not impossible to get her a fiance visa. Plus, why marry an old ogre when she could easily find someone nearer her age with more income and actually attractive? She is certainly not scamming for money or blackmail, she has never asked me to send her anything after well over 1000 hours talking. She knows how much money I make and knows I am not rich.
I was very young when I got married and I did it for the wrong reasons and will not make that mistake again. Being lonely forever is better than that.
She is very open about her feelings and dreams. We talk about everything in great detail. In fact, it took me longer to start opening up than it did her. Now, I feel so comfortable with her, I probably overshare. It was very difficult to become comfortable sharing everything with her online but being in the same space with a woman is something so foreign to me.