I get it. I understand because this is EXACTLY how I feel; like I'm losing my mind.

Your post out tears in my eyes I could have written it myself.

When I have people close to me that I want to tell and I do (start to) they just don't have a clue and that's not their fault. Sure, they could do with educating I believe that everyone should be educated about the implications of a mental health disorder but I feel like I'm just screaming so loud in my head wishing that whatever I say to them they just hug me and tell me that I'll be ok and that they will support me however I need them to.

I've learnt that when I have a bad anxiety attack I need to just be on my own. No people, no phone, no internet.

A little while back I had a really bad time. My anxiety was 100% I was shaking, hyperventilating wanting to scream and cry. I had to take my kids to my parents. Told mum I was sick, she knew something was up when she saw me but didn't really say much. I took 2 hours down time for myself and felt better for it. That made me realize what I need to do FOR ME if my world implodes

Hugs to you, you're not alone