After a massive trigger on Monday I have been filled with an increasing rage. While there are so many things in my past to be angry at this rage is no longer attached to any particular thing. It is taking all my strength to contain it.

Thankfully I saw my T today and we discussed stopping the trauma therapy as I feel one step away from psychosis. My brain is losing grip. We also discussed coping strategies, and how my rage is totally valid. We agreed exercise is the best thing but with my sore hip I’m restricted. Hopefully my Physio will clear me for light swimming in a pool tomorrow.

My T also wants me to try and get an appointment with my pdoc ASAP. I saw him last week and he was booked out for five weeks so I’m not sure how that will go. This is because I found low dose Seroquel was a great punch out on Monday night. My mind calmed down. I don’t have much left, hence the need.
My T seemed calm but concerned. Several times in the past trauma has driven me to, or over, the edge of sanity. I’m scared because I know what my mind is doing and I’ve been there before.