First, I just wanna apologise for all the posts I have been writing the past week or so.

I have been struggling to get through the past 12 days or so and I have no idea why. I go on bouts of depression like this RARELY lasting a day or two. At first I thought that I would just have to override it and I was just having a bad week. But then the week passed and Im feeling worse. I have to constantly ring my friends, text people, go on msn, speak to my dad... its like Im scared of being alone. At night I just lie there and cry, because even though people tell me that they are always here for me, where are they at night? I am all alone, even when my boyfriend is asleep next to me. Its like I need constant attention, be accompanied all the time, because Im scared of being alone with myself and my thoughts.
Last night, my boyfriend slept with his back to me, and even though I knew I was just being stupid I felt.... alone and rejected. I had to beg him to turn around and hold my hand whilst I drifted off to sleep. And eveytime I felt him move away I quickly jolted up and grabbed him and begged him not to go away even though I knew he was going nowhere! I was panicking for no reason. We went out that night aswell with all his work mates, who I didnt really know. I felt rejected and went in a right mood again because he had his back to me and was chatting away all night. I know he didnt mean to do it but still. He doesnt even know Im feeling like this either which makes it worse

The thing is, I feel soooooo guilty now because I know if I carry on with this behaviour Im going to lose him and I really dont want to do that because he's all Ive got right now. I dunno what to do. And Im feeling even crapper because I gave in and cut again

babyg xxx